Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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