Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
