who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
