i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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