Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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