Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
