here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
