I hope mine doesn't look like that
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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