She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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