Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
