Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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