walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
