I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
