Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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