Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You're like the curious george of whores
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
