she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
