I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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