this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
