I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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