i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
