I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
