3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
