were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
