Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
