I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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