I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Too much gin, very little bucket
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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