your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
