went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
