Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
two words: eviction party
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
