I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
