well I can't set my house on fire every night
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
