We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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