This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
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But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
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in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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