apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
