I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
