If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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