Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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