My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
