So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
