Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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