Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
