Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
