for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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