Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
