Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
