After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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