Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
