Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
