My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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