Pants 0. Shit 1.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
there is puke in my bra ... again
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
