we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
