Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
