dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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