Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
