Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
