Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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