After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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