dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
