Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
