So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
