If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
