Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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