did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
